Living a Plus Sized Life

I'm no big boned. Its not baby fat. I'm not undertall. I am really just fat.

Yes, I'm a plus sized girl. While I'm not alone in this, it sure doesn't feel that way. Partially television and movies make me feel this way. But there's also the mall. Where me, a size 18/20 which is 'moderately' plus, can only shop at 2-3 stores at any given mall. Three being on the high end of the scale.

When I shop with my size 0 sister, I feel somehow if I should apologize when I walk into the super little stores. So little, sometimes i wonder if I'll get stuck between the racks. I don't blame the shop keepers though, they aren't to blame for my feelings of self consciousness. I just wish I could feel normal for once. For once forget my size and pretend to be someone else.

These are my journeys and ramblings as a plus sized woman. Am I ashamed of my size? Sometimes I am. Do I feel beautiful? Sometimes but not often enough.

Should I lose weight? And if so, how? Exercise seems to be the corner stone according to some sites. But, some days I can barely make it up the 3 flights of stairs to my apartment so how am I supposed to workout for any length of time?

Suck it up and do it, that voice in my head says but apart of me is afraid. What if I do succeed? How will I view myself if the weight were to melt off. Would I even be me anymore?